....is this thing on?
is anyone still here?
FINALLY! After 10 hours and 14 minutes, I have finally killed that damn bastard Yiazmat! I swear... if the Final Fantasy guys EVER make a monster that hard again, I'm going to buy a ticket to Japan, fly over there, and kick them in their god damn nuts!
Do you know how when you were a kid there was always some neighborhood boy who couldn’t help but throw rocks at an already agitated hornets nest? It didn’t matter what anyone said, it didn’t matter how many times people got stung because of it…; all that mattered was the unrelenting desire to further disturb the hornets nest. The boy couldn’t resist, no matter how hard he tried. There was no denial. No choice. It had to be done.
In a way, I am that boy, but instead of throwing rocks at hornets nest, I take aim at people and their relationships. A shit disturber, that’s me. Often, I find myself doing it without even realizing it. Then there are those times when I do it having full knowledge of the trouble I am causing... but in both cases, I somehow still am surprised whenever I see how much pain, anger, and sadness is exposed in the outcome.
I’ll think to myself. “It was just a little jab, a joke; I was just fucking around, you know? What’s the big deal? Why are they so mad? Why are they overreacting? Can’t they take a fucking joke?”
It’s not usually until much later that I realize that I was in the wrong... and usually by then the whole thing has either blown over and there isn’t really an apology needed or it has blown up and one isn’t welcomed or wanted.
I’ve lost a few friendships because of my behavior. I’ve made a few enemies with it too... All because I couldn’t resist my impulse to poke that nest with a sharp little stick. To throw that rock. To make that joke. To take that jab. To make that final step... that final step gone too far.
I’m still alive and I plan on writing a blog some time soon in
the very near future. Just, right now, I’m a little overwhelmed
and my brain has the blue screen of death at the moment…
so as soon as I’m rebooted, I’ll be write more.
Is there anybody out there?
I'm thinking about starting to blog here again... is there anyone out the listening/reading?